Function Order: Fe-Si-Ne-Ti
“Lady Whistledown has all but declared me ineligible.”Daphne Bridgerton
ESFJs are skilled in knowing how to cultivate their reputation, and use it to their advantage, and Daphne does this with tremendous skill. She knows exactly what will ruin her in the eyes of others, and makes her decisions based off it, including her insistence Simon marry her, because she suspects another girl spotted them “walking alone in the garden” together. She wants to marry a proper gentleman of good standing and a fine reputation, and hopes that it will include love, but does not consider that a requirement, so long as it works in the eyes of society. She objects to her brother’s brusque treatment of her potential suitors, and would much rather use her own, more sensitive approach. Daphne is somewhat judgmental of Simon at first; she is “aware of his reputation” as a philanderer, and accuses him of being a rake, going so far even after they are married to wonder aloud where he has spent his night “and with whom” (inferring his previous behavior has caused her to suspect the worst of him). She uses her societal connections to bring people back into good standing, by allowing the Featherstones to attend her ball (a simple acknowledgment by a Duchess does wonders for their reception among her guests), and by attempting to find Mirana’s “young man” through her ability to introduce herself to a general’s wife. But she runs into problems within her marriage, because she cannot and will not understand her husband’s reasons for refusing to have children; when she finds out he “can but won’t,” she becomes forceful in her attempts to change his mind and get him to agree with her, because she cannot stand living with someone who will not share her views. All she wants is a normal life, albeit a rich one, in which she can be a “good wife and mother.” She marries him assuming she can change him in ways that are more pleasing to her, and is naïve in misreading his intentions, his true opinions, and his motivations, every single time they have an argument. She assumes he is not in love with her, that he does not lust after her, that he will not forgive her, that they cannot live together, that their lives together are “forever ruined,” and it takes her discovering his letters to his father in which he pours out his heart for her to get why he refuses to give himself (and her) happiness. She was so successful at ‘faking’ her love for him at first, Daphne refused to admit it was ‘real’ when her mother sensed their deep connection. She attends to the practical things in life, in trying to please everyone, and creates some problems for herself in the process (her refusal to choose the “best pig” in the village slights everyone present and means families will go hungry this winter without pork).
Enneagram: 2w1 so/sp
Eloise says of her sister that it’s lovely that Daphne is “so perfect, because then I do not have to be.” Indeed, Daphne sets out to be pleasing, gentle, accommodating, kind, gracious, forgiving, and all the sweet and loving things one would expect from a proper Regency woman. She is quick to use her resources and connections to help Marina, even though she has no reason to do so, and every reason in the world not to (the scandal that envelops her brother, which she also forgives; and then she invites Marina’s cousins back into her life, by allowing them to attend her ball). She often tries to do what she thinks will please Simon, and has a desperate need to be close to him, and finds it hard to understand why he would lie to her, and why he would not want the “children that would make us so happy!” She also sets out to be good, virtuous, and kind, with a reputation that is above reproach, in order to avoid any kind of taint or scandal. But Daphne can also fall into 8 line behaviors… she becomes forceful with Simon and goads him a bit into marriage, and then she refuses to let him ‘pull out’ when she wants to know if he can give her children, a violation of him. She refuses to forgive him, or accept any blame in the situation, or admit that what she did was wrong.