Victor often compares his life’s journey to other people, turning to Simon for advice, validation, and encouragement as he navigates his own inner confusion about his sexual orientation. He must actively experience things to get a sense of how they make him feel internally (admitting the butterflies when he kisses Mia, but that he has a much stronger reaction to watching Benji walk around the school). He’s hesitant to move forward into anything where he has no experience, and is awkward socially at first on his visit to New York, as he interacts with a bunch of openly “out” friends of Simon. He writes down everything that happens to him, in the form of letters to Simon, and feels somewhat resentful that his life isn’t magically different and better, that his problems haven’t all gone away, simply by moving to Simon’s home town (he assumes that because things went well for Simon there, they’ll go well for him, too). Victor is open with his feelings and afraid of coming out, because of the disapproval and disappointment it might garner from his family. He tries to be “normal” for their sake and give his relationship with Mia a chance. Out of concern that his gay friends might upset his grandfather, he asks them not to be a couple in front of them, but then defends them, when his grandfather sees them kissing. He often responds to people by telling them what they want to hear, and struggles to be true to himself, because he needs to keep everyone in his family happy with him, but also needs to be honest about his feelings for guys. He’s forever analyzing his life, trying to make sense of it, and considering alternate perspectives. He isn’t closed off against anything, and even though he thinks he’s gay at the start, is willing to do lots of research and find out more about being pansexual and bisexual as well, before he finally settles on being gay as his authentic self.

Enneagram: 9w1 so/sx

Victor doesn’t want anyone upset with him, and goes out of his way to avoid causing any kind of conflict, but he can also inadvertently be hurtful through his avoidance – him feeling intimidated by Mia’s expectations of taking their relationship to the next level causes him to “cop out” by inviting his friends over, and pretending he had no idea she meant the evening to be special. But then when he sees she’s upset with him, he instantly starts making out with her, because he thinks that’s what she wants. He later makes a move on Benji when they spend the night in a hotel room together, and when it upsets Benji, runs out of the hotel and spends the night somewhere else, then get a cab home rather than face him. His sister says that Victor too easily forgives their mother for her affair with her boss (she doesn’t understand how he can just get over it like that). Victor urges others to repress themselves so they won’t offend his family members, but also is more willing to assert himself on their behalf rather than admit to his own feelings about things. He has a lot of inner haze and confusion about what he wants for his life, and it takes him a while to figure out who he is. He feels a lot of shame around doing the wrong thing by other people, even if he doesn’t want to come clean to them about his true feelings. Victor also is somewhat dishonest, in how he looks for ways to make situations favor him (pretending the machine isn’t finished, so he and Benji have to stay the night in town… thus avoiding meeting Mia’s dad).