Am an I an Enneagram 3? What does it mean to be an Image type? What’s a good contrast between 3w2 and 3w4? How are self-preservation 3s, social 3s, and sexual 3s different from each other? This in-depth analysis answers all of your questions!
INSIDE THIS POST:
THE 3 AS AN IMAGE TYPE
Image types want the world to appreciate them for their authentic self, but for them to feel seen, you must witness them in a way that reinforces what they value in themselves; thus, you mirror it back to them and affirm their self-image. To accomplish this means they deliberately and constantly edit the outer self (their appearance, how they dress, act, talk, walk, etc.) and their inner self (choosing which emotions to focus on) to reinforce their preferred traits and erase all that don’t live up to their self-ideal. They see themselves as being on stage and want to show their best self to the audience by altering what they can control to match what they desire for themselves. They show their value to you through how they act and represent themselves (it’s always on their mind), and by correcting your wrong impressions about them by replacing them with their own narrative. They want you to see them as their finest self and admire it, which keeps them in a recurrent state of self-tweaking to refine their image and externalize what’s held inside.
3s are born to succeed. They know what life offers them, what they want out of it, and are determined to get that through objective or advantageous thinking combined with developing their unique gifts and skills to stand out among their peers. 3s care what others think about them and try to improve themselves to succeed in whatever matters to them, since to do less feels like a failure and not living up to their “personal best.” They know sometimes they won’t win or be the best in their field, but if they work hard and live up to their true potential, they can feel proud of what they accomplished.
Their life is a story of personal transformation; a lot of their time and effort goes into the process of living up to their ideal inner self, or in “becoming” what they admire. Once they determine what their desired identity is, they actively pursue it (by studying, practicing, or striving to embody it). Rather than let their setbacks destroy them, 3s interpret them as challenges to overcome. In their mind, every trial, struggle, or obstacle is part of their journey to eventual success.
What a 3 strives to embody to the fullest depends on their focus and area of interest; one may want to be the top historian in their field with the credentials to show for it, another the most attractive person in their lover’s life, another strives to be the “best provider” for their kids. But it is important for them to know and identify goals, then work toward them with a single-minded determination. A 3 focuses on winning at whatever they deem important. Unless they are insecure or depressed, whatever they set their heart toward, their body follows with action. They are competitive and willing to devote themselves to endless self-improvement to achieve it. (All of them have moments of stress, but are primarily ambitious.)
Every 3 has some idea of their desired self. They choose to see themselves as this person, before it has happened; to live it out now, in the faith one day, it will become real. They act how they want to be; by doing it and looking confident, they’ll make it happen later. 3s identify with their potential, so they “dress for success,” or “fake it ‘til I make it.” It feels important to them to not only embody this version of self, but to have others witness them as it. They put out feelers to see if you’re seeing them how they want to be seen and to connect to you on a heart level. I see you/your potential; do you see me?
If others don’t see what they feel is real in themselves, it does not feel actualized. They need to have their image accepted and reflected back at them for it to feel right. If someone doesn’t see them how they want to be seen, they re-adjust or tweak their approach until it receives the reaction they desire.
3s take whatever they are best at and push it as far as they can. It’s exhausting and requires tenacity, but it doesn’t feel optional. Any confidence they possess comes from being proactive; if they want to get what they desire, they must make it happen, since no one will do it for them. In what they value, 3s need to be “the best,” but settle for “good enough” in less important things. If they care about math, they must ace all the tests, but will take a B in science, because they know to be excellent in one area means sacrificing elsewhere. They believe if you can dream it, you can do it.
An enormous amount of effort goes into reaching their goals, which may not be tangible to outsiders. Some 3s are workaholics; others work hard to craft their inner self with meditation or learning a new language; still others only care about how they look. In pursuit of their best self, 3s don’t give up. You won’t know the blood, sweat, and tears it took for them to finish a project or be this level-headed or look like this because you only get to see the result. 3s want it to look effortless, an extension of their natural gifts, but also for you to recognize their tenacity. They need to see how they are improving or growing at all times, otherwise they feel stagnant. Even if they aren’t successful, it makes them feel good to get better.
3s believe unless they hone their skills, actualize their full potential, become the best, and be someone valuable or impressive, you won’t love them. They think to earn approval, reception, and love, they must become their best self, someone other than they are today. They confuse success with value and assume they are what they achieve. 3s desperately need others to notice and care about them, and they struggle with wanting way more attention than reality can provide. If it ignores them, they feel unseen, as if they don’t exist. And that is painful. 3s know to “demand” your attention looks bad, so they find something impressive to offer you in exchange.
They reject the idea they can just “show up” without a reason to justify their existence. 3s carry around a tender heart as their dreams, ambitions, and achievements, and show it to others by proclaiming, “I am here, I am leaving my mark, look at what I have done!” Yet, the doing never seems enough. It never gives them the satisfaction and fulfillment they seek, no matter who nods in approval. 3s must constantly do things, otherwise they don’t feel worthwhile or “alive.”
The 3w2
Having a 2 wing means part of the 3w2’s inner desire is to act as the ambassador of love through the time, attention, and guidance they show others. To embody their best self, they need to show others how kind, generous, and supportive they are, while still focusing on being excellent in the way they deem valuable. They know how to succeed and inspire you to do the same.
3s are doing hearts, and 2s act out of their feelings; a 3w2 focuses on what draws its attention, and acts decisively for that person or cause, based on how it hits them and what requires their expertise. If a 3w2 can help and doesn’t, it’s not embodying their best self, but they know their time, talents, and efforts are best aimed at people who want to change their life. They don’t intend to become your “caregiver,” or to create dependencies, but to inspire you to help yourself and cultivate your own talents. They want to embolden you to be capable, which lets them feel good about helping you succeed.
Since they are in touch with where their talents lie, 3w2s focus on helping within that realm of interest and influence. If they are a top attorney and see potential in a law student, they will single them out and teach them what they know or give them a break, but it depends on the amount of conviction, passion, and desire to learn a student shows, because to help someone who is unmotivated is a waste of their time. 3w2s judge slackers as not worth their efforts, since they can spot others with similar ambitions to their own.
They focus foremost on what they have of value, on what “sells,” feels valued, and is marketable about “me,” and then help. 3w2s feel to be their best self, they can afford to treat others with compassion and do good if possible. It feels good to actualize their best results, and to use their power to uplift, encourage, or give to others. If they see a need, it touches their heart and they fill it. 3w2s want to resolve problems quickly. They fix things and get back on task. They want to develop talents and skills that make them likable, marketable, and helpful to other people, and are very sensitive about others judging them as “selfish” or “unkind.” 3w2s see themselves as good.
The 3w4
3s use thinking to support doing and ignore their feelings, but 4s use thinking and feeling to avoid doing. 3w4s blend their emotions into action, but desperately need to express them through what they do, which makes them frustrated with their inability to embody and to present themselves in a way that lives up to their desired self.
If 3s want to attach to others and meet them halfway, 4s start off from a belief in of their separation from the rest of humanity; there is no one like me. 3w4s want to find a niche in which they are the best. Anything less is to not realize their potential; they identify their sense of self and identity with what they bring that others lack. 3w4s are highly competitive in their niche. If they meet anyone who seems to be better at what they care about than they are, they work on themselves and come back improved, or go inside their feelings to excavate something deep or meaningful and use it to make their version stand out. If they aren’t well-received, they see the audience as not deep enough to appreciate them, and search for a better one.
Some 3w4s get over-identified with their wing, and make a show of constantly drawing attention to how they are rare, refined, and bored with anything trite or mundane, but it’s an intentional sharing with an audience in mind. It makes them feel good to individuate and to have others not relate to them, because it implies they are on the right track. Some of them assume they are 4s, while being more assertive, driven, and competitive than real 4s. They are ambitious but frustrated, fraught with an itch they can never scratch, the sense that no matter what they do and what they draw out of themselves and present, that others are never seeing them in the “best” way; they’re missing something fundamental and deep about the 3w4.
Their preferred self seems out of reach; they fear they can’t fully embody it, but that does not stop them from trying. 3w4s create an altar of self and put all the things on it to which they aspire or admire that seem refined, desirable, or elegant. In their mind, the “me” that exists today is an ugly duckling; one day they may become a swan, but still feel like an ugly duckling inside. 3w4s guard their emotions, which run deep, and hide them behind a flourish. Longing for things that escape their grasp, despite their efforts, overcomes them when they aren’t in motion. 3w4s live to maintain and refine their image and can get lost in themselves; they get things done, and then lapse into inner searching and feelings of being misunderstood.
Read the full profile, almost 9,000 words including self-work, about the Enneagram 3 in my book, 9 Kinds of Quirky.
Social Variants:
Since my book does not include social variant types, I recommend you purchase John Lucovich’s excellent and ground-breaking work on the topic. You can read more of his content here.
Social variants determine how we respond to the world and where our major priorities in life lie. Attentiveness to bonding, social responsibilities, and how we ‘appear’ to others is in the realm of social (soc). Survival, fulfilling all of one’s needs, and a focus on ensuring one always has enough resources for a comfortable life is self-preservation (sp). Sexual displays, competing for attention, being like a moth to a flame in your pursuit of another person, or competing for a mate falls under the realm of sexual (sx). Read through each to determine which resonates the most with you.
The Self-Preservation 3
Self-Preservation Threes strive to experience Essential Value in their accomplishments, lifestyle, and careers. They tend to emphasize efficiency, tangible results, and mastery of specific skills more than Sexual and Social Threes. Self-Preservation Threes are typically very driven and can be quite competitive, although contrary to some stereotypes not every Self-Preservation Three is wealthy and materially accomplished, as their values may lie elsewhere. A Self-Preservation Three may opt for a humble lifestyle, yet, they may be the most experienced healer in their community or a Yoga teacher with the most training and credentials to show for it.
As values and capacities change over the course of a lifetime, however, Self-Preservation Threes can struggle with finding a path forward in life that results from their authentic values rather than something they’re good at. They may find themselves running off an “inner program” that they adopted at an extremely young age and therefore find themselves struggling to feel relevant when outer circumstances and cultural views of value change. Likewise, they may avoid experimenting or trying out things that they think they won’t be naturally good at, limiting their options and overall approach to life early on. Their efficiency and achievement can lend itself to a kind of momentum toward goals that can sweep them up without their heart really being in it. They may find themselves following a path that is not aligned with their deeper values and have a hard time finding a path in life that isn’t based on their forward-moving energy.
Self-Preservation Threes are prone to workaholism, running themselves into exhaustion and achieving without awareness or concern of the larger context or impact on others. Even though Self-Preservation is their Dominant Instinct, people of this type can over-do exercise, physical performance, and work at severe cost to their overall health. These activities can become another means of achievement, divorced from their original aim of enhancing the body’s well-being.
The Social 3
Social Threes look to experience Essential Value in their relationships and vocation, particularly with the people with whom they experience belonging. Many Social Threes are highly accomplished and talented, but much of their drive stems from wanting to inspire others through their example. It’s important for Social Threes to feel they are seen as exemplars of whatever may be valuable within their social context, and they especially want to be seen as special to loved ones on a personal level. Social Threes don’t wish to conform to their social milieu so much as they wish to be a force within it, the one who sets new standards and raises the bar higher for the culture they’re in.
They can be so skillful at progressing toward their aims that they may catch themselves pursuing a path that they didn’t have that much interest in. Often, Social Threes get caught playing many different roles for many different people and are unable to inwardly locate themselves apart from the roles they’re called to play. When a different persona is called for, Social Threes often become the exemplar of it. Many Social Threes fall into the trap of blurring their private life with their professional persona, living as if they have to always be “on” in promoting themselves like a personal brand. Private experiences may be undertaken with a public audience in mind, which can drive intimacy from relationships. The need to be seen as desirable and special can lead to Social Threes wanting to position themselves in socially exclusive circles, presenting an aloofness which may run up against their desire for personal connection and leaving Social Threes feeling alone and insecure despite whatever prestige they’ve acquired.
The ambitiousness of the Three personality can turn the desire for belonging into a motivation to constantly expand their influence, and they may begin to view others as personal challenges of whom they can win over and how quickly. Social climbing and vying for status, recognition, and exclusivity can replace any real connection with themselves and they can begin to act in ways that are in-congruent with their heart’s authentic wishes in order to get ahead socially.
The Sexual 3
Sexual Threes seek to experience Essential Value through their desirability and the magnetism of their attraction displays. Sexual Threes want to be the most magnetic person in the room. They feed off of generating intrigue, mystique, and even controversy, and they aren’t much concerned with being liked or pursuing practical achievements. Competition in Sexual Threes revolves around being the most attractive and having the most captivating sexual display, and they’re most likely to have cultivated a striking personal flavor meant to stand apart from others.
Competition and ambition can also play out as making it big in fields where they can signal their sexual value, such as modeling or performing. “Failure” is extremely painful for Threes as a whole, but for Sexual Threes, failure is defined as a failure to attract, incite interest, or to keep the focus of their romantic partner. Sexual Threes will “pull out all the stops” to win a specific partner and will often adapt their personal style, preferences, and image into what they believe is most desirable. As a result, they often struggle to allow their partner to discover who they are beneath the display. When unbalanced and fearful, this can lead to Sexual Threes rejecting partners when an intimate bond forms, disappearing behind their sexual “performance,” or conversely, becoming possessive and controlling, suspecting sexual rivalry at every turn. Entranced Sexual Threes can isolate their partner from friends and other people or turn run-of-the-mill social engagements into “battles” of fending off rivals and projecting their energy all over the place.
Unhealthy Sexual Threes can view themselves and their partners as “prizes” in that having partners who are attractive and desirable becomes a statement on their own desirability. Therefore, imbalanced Sexual Threes may enter into relationships that support their narcissistic self-image or relationships that are toxic, wherein the partner’s lack of appreciation of the Three beyond their sexual display reinforces a further division between their persona and their authentic self.
Influences on MBTI Types:
Editor’s Note: Because of its showmanship, most 3s are extroverts — but there are exceptions. I have left off the least-likely combinations, due to dominant Fi conflicting with the merging / vanishing nature of the 3.
ISTJ: more prone to leadership and comfortable with attention than other ISTJs; may develop a strong desire to ‘achieve’ on a competitive level, and show little interest in undertaking the work of others unless it promotes their personal success; may sacrifice personal values to ‘get ahead’ in the professional sphere, and be out of touch with what truly drives them; will channel their productivity into areas of strength, where Si-dom precision can cause them, through repeated behaviors, to become ‘the best.’
ESTJ: may have severe workaholic tendencies, which will result in further stinting inferior Fi development, rendering them unable to know what they truly want in life instead of simply pursuing monetary success; Si and 3 will fight over wanting the ‘ideal’ family image, but not being able to maintain it on an emotional (inferior Fi) level; often highly competitive in their field and aggressive in competing for attention and praise.
ISFJ: a down to earth but charming type, often focused on impressing their friends and family with society-influenced status symbols (the best car, the nicest house, the coolest purse, the cutest boyfriend); may say and do things just to impress others, and desperately covet and seek out their attention and praise (and need their approval and for them to be ‘in awe’) but have trouble talking about their true feelings or even admitting to them; not having ‘true’ friends will cause insecurities; may be prone to severe Si/Ti loops in which one analyzes past failures and mistakes. Prone to staying in their ‘comfort zone’ and very upset if they fail at something they have done a thousand times perfectly before.
ESFJ: will be in charge of every group, at the forefront of each public appearance, and will constantly step forward to lead, with the desire to impress others and win their approval; may find it hard to let others succeed, or to ‘lose’ anything they feel they should have won; tends to have tons of friends, but few they can turn to when their life goes in the toilet; may maintain illusions about success even when they have failed, for fear others will have no use for them unless they maintain the illusion. Si will make them specialize in a few strong personal areas (and become ‘indispensable’ to their work / organization) and Ne fear what ‘could happen’ if that goes away / being their true self; has inferior Ti problems of not being able to self-analyze / detach from their persona.
INTJ: more prone to leadership and comfortable with attention than other INTJs; may develop a strong desire to ‘achieve’ on a competitive level, and show little interest in undertaking the work of others unless it promotes their personal success; may sacrifice personal values to ‘get ahead’ in the professional sphere, and be out of touch with what truly drives them; may fall into the trap of unrealistic Ni-dom thinking that if they cannot bring their perfect vision into reality, they are worthless, and/or focus on personal symbols of ‘success’ (something that represents their entire success, such as an expensive car or watch); will play out ‘symbols of success’ through inferior Se (lavish taste).
ENTJ: may have severe workaholic tendencies, which will result in further stinting inferior Fi development, rendering them unable to know what they truly want in life instead of simply pursuing monetary success; high Se will make them incredibly focused on impressive / expensive symbols of personal success (gorgeous partners, expensive clothing / cars, luxury items, etc); often extremely focused on their personal appearance; may ‘put all their eggs’ into one basket, and base their self-worth on whether or not they can achieve their great, over-reaching (maybe impossible) personal vision for the future.
INFJ: often excessively symbol-focused, prone to tunnel vision, and much harder on themselves for perceived laziness and failures; the drive of 3 will develop inferior Se into ‘action mode’ but high Ni may make them severe upon themselves if they lack perfection or miss their goal by mere inches; sometimes prone to unreasonable expectations and standards of personal behavior; often gregarious and well-liked, but hides anything ‘unpleasant’ that shatters the illusion of perfection; very focused on appearances, somewhat out of touch with their true feelings, and prone to Ni/Ti loops (analyzing and refining their future vision, rather than seeing external factors that could alter it).
ENFJ: an over-achiever who may take on more than they can handle, due to their aux-Ni tendency to neglect details; extremely image-conscious and often intent on impressing others through symbols of their success and/or wealth; Fe-dom will make them want to build true connections, but also further obscure their true feelings (and ignore them, in favor of social harmony); may feel the need to perform constantly, and earn everyone’s approval; often reads whether people will be ‘useful’ to them or not (Fe/Ni) and tunes out those who are not; has inferior Ti problems of not being able to self-analyze / detach from their persona.
ESTP: the ultimate smooth-talking successful businessman type; a natural charmer and performer, who uses tert-Fe to woo people but often does not know what is real (the persona) and what is not (his/her true self); Se-dom + 3 results in an extreme focus on sensory impact, which means this type is ruthless about others’ physical appearances and their own overall sensory presentation; often good at reading subtle signs in other people, and may deviate from already nebulous morals to ‘achieve’ or ‘get ahead.’ May fail, with inferior Ni, to consider the consequences of being insincere or lying to impress others.
ISTP: an effective and flashy problem solver, more prone to consideration toward the long-term benefits of certain decisions (or consequences of actions) but totally unable to access or deal with their feelings (especially negative ones) in healthy or productive ways; like all the Se types, image-conscious and sensory-pleasure-driven (pursuit of ‘impressive’ toys that scream to the world ‘I am successful’).
ESFP: focused on momentary success and pleasures, and prone to Se/Te looping to get it (leaping on success in the short term, in whatever way they think will earn the most attention), which means under-development of aux-Fi (which may also cause problems with Fi’s desire to be truthful / authentic and 3’s desire to impress). Se-dom + 3 results in an extreme focus on sensory impact, which means this type is ruthless about others’ physical appearances and their own overall sensory presentation; may fail, with inferior Ni, to consider the consequences of being insincere or lying to impress others.
ENTP: the ultimate smooth-talking successful businessman type; a natural charmer and performer, who uses tert-Fe to woo people but often does not know what is real (the persona) and what is not (his/her true self); Ne-dom + 3 will make it hard for the ENTP to ‘find their true self’ or get a strong sense of their limitations and/or true abilities (instead of Ne-dom exaggeration). May be too opportunistic in the moment, or deviate from their nebulous moral standards, to get ahead; could find it hard to be sincere with others or get in touch with their feelings. Former failures may haunt them for decades through inferior Si.
INTP: 3 will bring out more Fe in this INTP than in other types; they will want to succeed in their field and achieve public recognition, awards, or other socially-recognized forms of success; prone to methodical work, and less inclined to throw their ideas into the world without Si-driven detail-focus than others, since any failure and/or half-baked hypothesis will threaten their personal image.
ENFP: often good at using their intuition to get a read on potential ways to succeed and on leaping on those chances (Ne/Te loop), which means under-development of aux-Fi (which may also cause problems with Fi’s desire to be truthful / authentic and 3’s desire to impress). More image-focused than other ENFPs (want their appearance meticulous and crafts it to please others and/or show their success). Former failures may haunt them for decades through inferior Si.
