I remember the day I discovered Sherlock Holmes. I wanted to be this logical, detached detective, someone who reasoned everything through his intellect. That appealed to me, because it seemed like a safer way to live—by being intelligent. Little did I know he appealed to me because I live also through the mind, rather than the body or the emotions, as a 6, by trying to make sense of everything in my head.

The Head Type Barrier

Head types live life not with full-body impact like gut types, but through the mind. We take everything and make it a mental exercise. This puts a barrier between us and the outer world or other people, because instead of simply meeting them, we meet them with our mind. Our thoughts. Our logic and our analysis.

Why Is Always My First Word

6s are always demanding to know “why?” We can bombard others with constant questions. For me, “why?” has become an automatic response. I ask it all the time, in an attempt to figure out life. Sometimes, I drive other people nuts by asking why in an attempt to understand, rather than just going along with the plan. I want to hear their reasoning to determine if it makes sense or not. (Why are we going this route? Why are we driving this car? Why are we doing things in this order? It exasperates other types, who just want me to “get on board.”)

Escaping Feelings Through Thought

For a long time, I felt I wasn’t living my best life unless I analyzed everything for “meaning.” I exhausted myself, thinking about everything, trying to understand everything, trying to make sense of everything and everyone. I never let myself accept the easy answer or assumed one might not exist. I want everything explained, to understand everything, to have answers, for every piece of the puzzle to fit, so I could navigate situations feeling more confident.

More often than not, I use analysis to escape my emotions. Instead of allowing pain to sink into me through hurtful words or betrayal or criticism, I start asking, “Why did they say that? What did I do or say that made them assume this about me? What led them to that conclusion?”

The “Yuppie” Incident

One time, a friend unloaded on me out of the blue in an e-mail. When we left each other, she was fine. She went home, waited a day or two, and let me have it. She accused me of not being a good friend, of being a “yuppie,” and not sharing my feelings with her. I was confused, and angry, and hurt… but instead of being angry or dealing with it like I should have, I detached from those feelings and fixated on the word “yuppie” rather than dealing with the problem.

Why would she call me a yuppie? Because I had a nice car and an apartment? Was I seeming arrogant or proud? What is a yuppie, anyway? I looked it up. Why is it a “bad” thing? Is it jealousy? Am I acting arrogant or is she insecure?

I parked my mind on that word and ignored all the rest—that this was an unfair slap in the face. This makes no sense. Why would she say it? “Because she wanted to hurt me” wasn’t a good enough answer. I analyzed my life instead to see what could have given her that impression.

Analysis as Avoidance

This happens with 6s a lot. In the midst of a conflict, we zero in on the one thing that “makes no sense” or isn’t “right” and ignore the rest of the situation, as we obsess about that one thing that seems wrong.

I have to wonder if that’s our line to 9 showing—us numbing ourselves to conflict and taking shelter in over-analyzing one thing. If one part of it is wrong or makes no sense, I find it hard to get past it, because I need it all to make sense for me to be able to think about the entire situation and form a response.

If something makes no sense, I keep hovering around it. My default has been to assume I am not getting it, rather than to conclude, “This is stupid.”

The Cost of Staying Detached

The reason I back away from my emotions and process them with the mind is to avoid feeling vulnerable. Being in my head gives me safety by “distance,” a way to “block” hurtful things.

The problem is I can get stuck analyzing without making any decisions that lead to resolving the issue or gaining forward momentum. I can be in denial of my anger, ignoring it and refusing to deal with it, behind a prideful expression of “being a mature person who thinks before they act.” I hide behind detachment.

A more productive use of analysis in the above situation would have been to use it to determine the character of my friend and decide if I wanted them in my life. Do I want someone in my life that is going to blindside me like this and say hurtful things to me, after leading me to assume we had fun?

Instead, I remained their friend and had this happen many more times. Each time, I detached and analyzed “why” instead of allowing myself to get angry and say, “Enough is enough. This is bullshit.”

Learning to Think Differently

6s need to learn productive thinking, and that means saying no to people and situations instead of asking how this happened or why they said that.

Processing with my mind happens so automatically, I catch myself doing it all the time. Someone takes a dig at me, and instead of dismissing it, I start to think, “Now why…?”

It’s not wrong to wonder why. Wondering why and finding out the truth helps us find answers. But a 6 can waste valuable time and energy asking why when it’s not important.

I don’t have to know why other people make decisions; I can just assume they have a reason. Much of life does not need analyzed.

Choosing Productive Thinking

It’s my job to catch myself and ask, “Is this mine to figure out? Will it either give me pleasure or enrich my life?” If the answer is no, I can choose not to think about it.

Much of the thinking we 6s do leads nowhere and causes nothing to happen that changes the situation; it’s unproductive. We think all the time, but waste our mental energy on things that are not going to happen (fears), or that lead nowhere.

Much of our thinking travels the same roads repeatedly as we rethink things or as we ask “why?” when it doesn’t matter.

A Quieter Mind, At Last

Stopping this is one of the hardest challenges I have faced in growing myself out of unhealthy 6 patterns, but it can be done, and some of it instantly stops once you realize what you are doing.

When I learned my analysis is optional and better used for problems, I stopped analyzing a lot of things. I felt an enormous sense of relief, as if I had been holding my breath all my life.

It’s an incredible amount of pressure to try and make sense of everything, all the time. I am learning to use my line to 9 and recognize not everything is mine to think about.

I used to waste a lot of mental energy trying to come up with solutions to my friends’ problems; now I ask myself, “Is this mine to think about?” first.

I am also learning to use my line to 3 by reminding myself how competent I am. It’s not as if I didn’t think this through before I decided! I can remind myself, “You thought about this and you reached this conclusion. It doesn’t matter how they reached a different one.”

My brain is a lot quieter than it used to be, because I don’t feel the pressure to make sense of everything I once did. It still flares up a lot, but it’s getting easier with time to mature my thinking into seeking solutions instead of grinding my gears.

Learn how to grow as a 6 in my book 9 Kinds of Quirky, available on Amazon.com or digitally.