MBTI Type: ISTJ            

Nalini is far more sensible than her daughter when it comes to their lives and the responsibilities of being in an Indian family. She even considers moving back to India after her husband dies, because she misses being surrounded by family, friends and support… but when she goes back there to find a place to live, she discovers it would not be the same experience as when she left; everyone has gone on with their lives and would not offer her the support she desires. She is very traditional and respectful of their beliefs, and tries to influence her daughter in the same direction, insisting she say her prayers every night. Nalini is hard-working and dutiful, but also resistant to moving on or changing her life in any serious manner. Since she is aware of how the world works, she is happy for her mother-in-law finding love again, and she even is able to fall in love and move on eventually. Nalini is suspicious of her daughter’s motives and intentions at times, but rarely accurately guesses when Devi is lying to her (such as her daughter saying she got into all the schools she applied to, when in reality all of them turned her down). She is disapproving of anything that is too radical, though, and always leans toward what she respects and admires the most about her culture. Part of her problem with Devi is Nalini is more logical; she handles problems as they arise and doesn’t procrastinate about them, and does not know why her daughter refuses to do the same (it’s two days before Devi is moving, and she still hasn’t packed!). Nalini also makes decisions for rational reasons, such as wanting to sell her husband’s bike, since none of them are ever going to use it (she does change her mind about that later, out of an emotional connection to the bike she denied she had in the first place), which causes conflict with her daughter. She thinks a family member should just buck up and get married for practical reasons, but also accepts that her emotions not being involved is a good reason to say no. Nalini is firm in her own emotions, but not connected to other people’s—this creates yet another conflict when she throws her husband’s ashes into the sea, without Devi being present (she cannot do that either and waits for her). So, she bounces back and forth between making rational judgments and allowing her feelings to come out strongly in her choices.

Enneagram: 1w9

Nalini is extremely firm on all of her decisions, whether that is to sell her husband’s motorcycle or to pack up her daughter and move her to college. She gets impatient with Devi, because of her daughter’s unrestrained temper tantrums and childish behavior, and is annoyed that she leaves everything to the last minute. It’s a classic 1 vs. 7 push-pull between them, where she resents her husband having been the “fun” dad, whereas she had to be down to earth and responsible. She’s not afraid of confrontation, either; when a contractor leaves them without stairs for five days, she finds out where he’s working right now (with Devi’s help) and storms over there, to accuse him of cheating her, while having a family member record the entire altercation on the phone. Nalini usually takes her daughter’s side until she finds out Devi has been lying to her about something, and then she lectures her daughter about telling lies. She lays down hard rules including telling Devi she cannot go on a trip to New York until she cleans up the spray paint message on her car (which she assumes will be expensive). She doesn’t like noise and chaos, and thinks that a night alone will be glorious on the weekend her daughter is scoping out the grounds at Princeton. Since she is so controlled, she doesn’t understand why the rest of her family cannot be principled like she is!

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