It dawned on me that, in a way, 6s use a 3 type structure to avoid “doing the work.” 6s distrust their own insights and intuitions, which is why they look for an external source—a teacher, a faith, an author, the facts—upon which to base their argument.

But in so doing, they avoid the hard work involved in forming their own argument.

In other words, a 6 doesn’t have to come up with a reason they believe something and find facts to support it if they can use someone else’s work to do that for them. For example, if you want to win a theological debate, which theologian do you pull out of your back pocket to supplement or base your argument upon?

It’s such an unconscious process, the 6 doesn’t even realize at the time they are doing it.
“What’s the answer to this question?”
“Well, Darwin said… C. S. Lewis wrote… Einstein theorized…”
The foundation is coming from somewhere outside themselves.

The Glass Onion Problem: Borrowed Brilliance

In the movie Glass Onion, you find out (spoiler) the “genius” is a con man who stole others’ work and made it profitable. He pretended it belonged to him, in the same way Gilderoy Lockhart, a 3, does in Harry Potter. He steals their heroic endeavors, writes about them, takes credit for them, and modifies their memories so they can’t expose him.

You see this play out many times in 3-driven narratives, where Don Draper and Jay Gatsby steal an identity and pass it off as their own. At their unhealthiest, that’s how a 3 operates: to get fame and fortune by pretending to be someone they are not.

It’s a lot more work to be brilliant on your own terms than to piggyback off someone else… and in a sense, that’s what 6s are doing when abdicating their thinking. We are allowing others to do the hard work for us.

Maybe part of our unconscious rejection of ourselves as an authority has to do with our line to 3’s desire to profit off something that required no effort on our part.

Productivity Without Feeling

The high side of 3 is self-confidence and assertiveness, to identify goals and go after what they want or see will resolve the situation.

The 6 can tap into those things to learn to be more decisive, to gain greater self-confidence, and to be more proactive—by focusing on how I intend to resolve a situation (stop thinking about it and fix it, then move past it without dwelling on it), rather than endlessly going over the possibilities, thinking one wrong decision will be catastrophic.

Even at their lowest level of self-confidence, the 6 taps into the 3 to continue getting things done… the problem is when we do that, we move into “doing” without “feeling.”

Because our heart access is 3, another center which avoids itself, we can become automatic “doing” machines without factoring in our heart. In other words, as 6s, we have to stop “doing” without feeling, and listen to our heart and our intuition.

We must quit trying to solve problems by relying on others and ask, “What does my heart say? What are my feelings about this?”

“Don’t Ask Why. Feel It”

For a 6, this won’t feel natural or trustworthy. Giving up thinking is contrary to our nature.

We think, therefore we are.

What we fail to realize is that we are being emotional all the time, but not listening to ourselves. We have a feeling, and we ignore it, in favor of shifting into automatic thinking.

Instead of sitting with my best friend just hurt my feelings, we bypass it by asking, “What would make them say that? Did I give them that impression?”

To understand and theorize is not wrong, but we can’t bypass and cut off our emotions without over-thinking.

Do not ask why. Just feel it. Listen to it. Trust it.

This will tap you into your intuition and help you locate your heart, and then you won’t be floating without a foundation.

How 3 Can Make 6s Insecure (or Arrogant)

Having a line to 6 makes a 3 insecure about and defensive over their competency. It can also make them arrogant under pressure.

The 6 wants to impress and please those whom they admire, or who they feel are in authority over them, such as their boss. In an unhealthy 6, it can turn into fear-driven competitiveness: thinking your coworkers are out to get you (so you must beat them), or “bragging” in an attempt to cover up your insecurities.

Why Some 6s Reject Being a 6

3 also plays into 6 in another way—it’s one reason many 6s refuse to accept being a 6.

6, they think, looks bad. It implies all these things about me that are negative, like I don’t think for myself (thinking is all I ever do!), I am inconsistent and waffle (even if that’s true), and I am afraid (I am not afraid! Actually, many 6s aren’t aware of their anxiety).

Their line to 3 wants to resist that label because it’s not glamorous.

Being negative-reactive centers, we focus on what’s bad about 6 and ignore all the good attributes, such as being loyal and trustworthy and being helpful without expectation of return.

The Path to Self-Trust

Many 6s also do a certain amount of “image management” if and when they are connected to their 3 line—such as asserting what doesn’t fit them when discussing 6 (trying to impress the people they are talking with, or squeeze out of identifying with that part of the description).

But at the same time, many 6s are opposed to being dishonest or puffing themselves up. So when asked a question, they provide an honest answer, even if it admits they aren’t as successful as they would like to be.

Their discomfort with promoting themselves makes them honest and prevents them from the arrogance that sometimes clings to the 3.

So what’s the answer to this 6-3 connection?

It’s to borrow more from 3 in being oriented toward self-trust, self-confidence, and being proactive instead of reactive—taking decisive action instead of over-thinking or asking others’ advice, trusting that you can make the right decision for you—and learning to ground yourself in the belief that you are good at what you do.

6s have already done all the work. They know their stuff. They’ve read all the resources. Now is the time to trust yourself, and put them to work in the way a 3 would, by reminding yourself that insecurity is not humility.

It’s not wrong to promote yourself or be proud of your work.

The next time you feel a need to consult someone or rely on them for help, ask yourself what you feel is the right answer, and do it.

Or take the initiative and see if you can perform the task yourself.

In most cases, you will figure it out as you go without needing anyone’s help.

Learn to slow down and to trust your feelings.

Learn how to grow as a 6 in my book 9 Kinds of Quirky, available on Amazon.com or digitally.