Someone asked me recently if my understanding of my own type has changed over the last year or so, and I had to think about it (ha, ha, on brand for a head type, no?).
I don’t think my understanding of 6 has changed, since I have pretty much been aware of “what is 6” and “how does it operate” for a long time now… but I think I have changed—enough that people in my everyday life have commented on it, told me that I seem more at ease with myself, more peaceful, less frustrated and worried, less reactive, etc. It’s nice to hear those things.
What I’ve Been Practicing
Mostly what I have done is… taken ownership of all of me. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad.
I have learned to pause and notice all of my little impulses and 6isms. For example, not wanting to own up to certain feelings, which now I am more comfortable in owning (insecurity, jealousy, fear, self-doubt). I am better at noticing defaulting into 6 and becoming more able to control it, or at least be mindful of it.
To notice it as it floats past me, Jack Sparrow-style, without trying to leap on it.
The Power of Surrender
I think the biggest thing has been how much I have let go of, mentally.
Finding out 6s overthink and it’s pointless gave me permission to… NOT THINK AS MUCH.
I surrendered to it. To the lack of analyzing everything.
It felt hard at first, but the more I think, “Nah, this isn’t worth debating,” or, “This isn’t worth me trying to figure out WHY THIS HAPPENED… it doesn’t matter,” the easier it becomes over the long term.
Mental Habits I’ve Let Go Of
Past me would try to get to the bottom of why for everything.
Why doesn’t this person like me?
Why did they say that?
Why are movies not doing so well at the box office?
Why did this director make this cinematic choice?
I thought all the time, for fun and out of an inner compulsion—as a head type trying to create a map of reality in which to feel more secure in a world that often Makes. No. Sense.
And I think that is partly the key to growth as a 6. Recognizing that it won’t always make sense, you won’t be able to figure it out, and you don’t even have to try.
If thinking is fun for you, by all means, do it.
But if all you do is think, to the point of mental exhaustion, it may be that you are thinking to avoid other things—such as feelings of anxiety that might be lurking beneath the mental distractions.
A Disappointment… and a New Response
Today, I had a slight disappointment. Not a huge one, and not one that is life-threatening, but an opportunity I wanted that shut in my face.
I felt disappointment.
I felt shame.
I felt fear.
I felt rejection.
And in the past, I would have tried to cope with these feelings by trying to figure out what motivated the other person to say no.
(What does this mean? Is there something about me I need to change? Does this not bode well for my future? Is it going to become a trend in my life?)
And for a few seconds, I went down that path, and then I caught myself.
No. I don’t have to do this.
I don’t have to think about them for another minute.
They have their path, I have mine.
Rejection Isn’t Personal
It is still lurking there, of course.
Because a 6 can never fully shut off their mind—particularly when they feel threatened, or insecure, or worried about their future.
But that’s okay.
I can let those thoughts lurk in the back of my mind, while refusing to indulge them, and just experience the emotions I am going through instead, in my body.
And breathe.
And ask if I am okay (of course I am).
For me, rejection feels personal. As it does for many people, I am sure. But it isn’t.
The other person thinks nothing of it. You are just someone offering them something, and they say no—because it’s not what they want, or what they can afford, or what interests them.
It is not a value judgment about you or me.
It’s just the same as when we scroll through Netflix and reject 800 shows to pick one.
We 6s can get past rejection and our thought spiral.
Final Thoughts: Self-Awareness is the Way Out
But we have to control our mind first, and become aware of what is worth our mental energy and what isn’t.
There is no real fail-safe strategy for this other than total self-awareness, Being fully open to self-acceptance (not allowing your pride or ego to get in the way of admitting that you “do” all the “6 stuff”) and practicing self-observation and being present with what is going on in your body, heart, and mind.
It is so tremendously freeing, as a 6, to let go of so many aspects of the type. To surrender them, and to grow.
Please, do it.
